Lawyers

Hump Day Humor is hosted by Mercedes at Mercedes Rocks!

Theme: Lawyers

I am not really in a humorous mood right now-so this isn’t really a humorous post, but I just received an email from my SIL and she is a lawyer (along with my brother)-how appropriate. Anywho-she was randomly chosen out of some 80,000 Texas layers to be on the State Bar of Texas website. Just click on the link below and scroll down and she is at the bottom. Her name is Sylvia. Come on back and let me know what you think.

http://www.texasbar.com/

Posted by Mercedes at Mercedes’ World at https://mercedesrules.wordpress.com and only for Mercedes’ World

Double-Decker Bus

Hump Day Humor is hosted by Mercedes at Mercedes Rocks!

Theme: Blondes

Double-Decker Bus

Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter
a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.
The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus and the blonde team
rides on the top level.

The brunette team down below is having a great time, when one of them
realizes she doesn’t hear anything from the blondes upstairs. She
decides to go up and investigate.

When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in
fear, staring straight ahead. She says, “What the heck is going on up
here? We’re having a grand time downstairs!”

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Getting Older

Hump Day Humor is hosted by Mercedes at Mercedes Rocks!

Theme: Getting Older

(Just got home at 9:00 p.m. CST-aaahhhh! Tomorrow is registration for the whole school-just 2 hours-whew! I am so not ready-lol)

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A Little Humor

Hello All! I just go home at 9:00 p.m. CST-aaaahhhh! Does anyone know how to post Media Player Videos? This is all I have tonight. Here is a joke for ya!

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of Tampax and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, “Son, how old are you?”

“Eight”, the boy replied. The man continued, “Do you know how these are used?”The boy replied, “Not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They are for him.

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Here’s Your Sign

Hump Day Humor is hosted by Mercedes at Mercedes Rocks!
Theme: Signs

Just click on the pictures to enlarge them. You may leave a comment for a picture and/or leave me a comment here! 😉

Posted by Mercedes at Mercedes’ World

Baked Beans

Hump Day Humor is hosted by Mercedes at Mercedes Rocks!

Theme: Surprises

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home.

On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, “Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.” He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table.

I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.

I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage…

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

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The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the Director, “how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.”

“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”

“Oh, I understand,” I said. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”

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Bruce Loves Jenny

Hump Day Humor is hosted by Mercedes at Mercedes Rocks!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Theme: Marriage

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny’s father to ask him for her hand.

Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, “Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.”

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Do You Know?

Hump Day Humor is hosted by Mercedes at Mercedes Rocks!

Theme: Cars/Automobiles/Vehicles

Do You Know?

What is a 710 knob?

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Think Before You Speak

Hump Day Humor is Hosted by Mercedes at Mercedes Rocks.

Theme: Think Before You Speak

E-mail Forward: Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak the last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back…or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did….

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New Scam

Hump Day Humor is hosted by Mercedes at Mercedes Rocks.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Theme~Scams

Police say that the gang usually is comprised of four members, one adult and three younger ones. While the three younger ones, all appearing sweet and innocent, divert their ‘mark’ (or intended target) with a show of friendliness , the fourth — the eldest — sneaks in from behind the person’s back to expertly rifle through his or her pocket or purse for any valuables.

Be on the alert!!

Click Read More to see a photo from a recent attack that was captured on film.

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My Other Names

Randomability shared this one with me, so I borrowed it from her to post here. Feel free to add your responses in a comment or a post of your own. Please leave me a link to your post if you do post this! This is so funny!

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Fun With Names

I borrowed this from Larry G at Yesterday, Today, Forever.

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The Dawne Key Diet

Hump Day Humor is hosted by Mercedes at Mercedes Rocks!

Hump Day Humor Sixteenth Edition: Theme~Diets/Dieting

The Dawn Keye Diet

This really works….A friend of mine, who is a nurse talked to me about the Atkins Diet, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, & the latest of course, The South Beach Diet. Since she is a nurse, & has done a lot of study & research on dieting, I truly think she has found the real answer to weight loss:

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Broken Escalator

Hump Day Humor is hosted by Mercedes at Mercedes Rocks!

Hump Day Humor Fifteenth Edition: Theme~The Office

Broken Escalator

So what do you do when you’re running late to work and the escalator you’re on suddenly stops? I guess the answer isn’t quite as obvious for some people.

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The Back of a Smiley Face

When the Parents Are Gone

When the parents are gone, the dogs will play.

This reminds me of the black lab, Chloe, I once had.

I found the video (the one I tried to post last week) on YouTube!

Why? Why? Why?

Hump Day Humor is hosted by Mercedes at Mercedes Rocks!

Hump Day Humor Fourteenth Edition: Theme~Ponderisms/Ponderings

Why? Why? Why?

  • Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
  • Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is not enough money?
  • Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

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Can You Solve This Puzzle?

Can you solve this puzzle?

You are riding on a beautiful white horse. On your left side is a drop off. On your right side are several ostriches being chased by a lion. In front of you are four large gazelles that won’t get out of your way and you can’t seem to overtake them. Behind you is a stampede of horses.

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You Might Be a School Employee If…

Hump Day Humor is hosted by Mercedes at Mercedes Rocks!

Hump Day Humor Thirteenth Edition

Theme: School Employees

You Might Be a School Employee If…

  • YOU might be a school employee if you believe the playground should be equipped with a Ritalin salt lick.
  • YOU might be a school employee if you want to slap the next person who says, “Must be nice to work 8 to 3:30 and have summers off.

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When the Parents Are Gone

When the parents are gone, the dogs will play.

This reminds me of the black lab, Chloe, I once had.

Click here to watch the video-you will need Media Player (I believe) to watch it.

Come on back and let me know what you think!

I am having a little technical difficulties with this-will try to get to work later.

Anyone know how to add a media player video by chance?

Scattergories

SCATTERGORIES

  • It’s harder than it looks! Copy and paste into a new comment or post.
  • Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following…
  • They have to be real places, names, things…nothing made up!
  • Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial. (WHICH BY THE WAY IS HARD IF YOU ALREADY READ THEIR ANSWERS)
  • You CAN’T use your name for the boy/girl

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Don’t Yell Across the House

Dog Tricks

This is really cute (email forward). Tell him to sneeze and see what he does! Love it! I have no idea how they do this: Make sure your volume is turned on and TYPE IN a command and see what happens… sit, roll over, down, stand, sing, dance, shake, fetch, play dead etc. and… it’s also very cute if you type in a command that’s not recognized! Make sure you type in ‘Kiss’ too, but do it last.

Rusty, this looks like you. I bet you can do these tricks too!

Click here: I Do Dog Tricks to play. Come on back and let me know what you think!

De-Stressers

Hump Day Humor is hosted by Mercedes at Mercedes Rocks.

Hump Day Humor Twelfth Edition

Theme: Cartoons (anything)

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