Getting Older

Hump Day Humor is hosted by Mercedes at Mercedes Rocks!

Theme: Getting Older

(Just got home at 9:00 p.m. CST-aaahhhh! Tomorrow is registration for the whole school-just 2 hours-whew! I am so not ready-lol)

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Baked Beans

Hump Day Humor is hosted by Mercedes at Mercedes Rocks!

Theme: Surprises

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home.

On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, “Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.” He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table.

I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.

I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage…

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

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The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the Director, “how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.”

“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”

“Oh, I understand,” I said. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”

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Bruce Loves Jenny

Hump Day Humor is hosted by Mercedes at Mercedes Rocks!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Theme: Marriage

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny’s father to ask him for her hand.

Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, “Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.”

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Do You Know?

Hump Day Humor is hosted by Mercedes at Mercedes Rocks!

Theme: Cars/Automobiles/Vehicles

Do You Know?

What is a 710 knob?

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Think Before You Speak

Hump Day Humor is Hosted by Mercedes at Mercedes Rocks.

Theme: Think Before You Speak

E-mail Forward: Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak the last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back…or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did….

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New Scam

Hump Day Humor is hosted by Mercedes at Mercedes Rocks.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Theme~Scams

Police say that the gang usually is comprised of four members, one adult and three younger ones. While the three younger ones, all appearing sweet and innocent, divert their ‘mark’ (or intended target) with a show of friendliness , the fourth — the eldest — sneaks in from behind the person’s back to expertly rifle through his or her pocket or purse for any valuables.

Be on the alert!!

Click Read More to see a photo from a recent attack that was captured on film.

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