Think Before You Speak

Hump Day Humor is Hosted by Mercedes at Mercedes Rocks.

Theme: Think Before You Speak

E-mail Forward: Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak the last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back…or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did….

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, “How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?” I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn’t say a word…he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women’s type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.He asked if he could help me.Without thinking, I looked at him and said, “I think I like playing with mens balls.”

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case,the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, “No, I’m just looking at your nuts.” My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving “right now” she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, “If you don’t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy’s pee-pee last night!” The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said “No”. I kept thinking “Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don’t have any clothes with me.” Then I said, “Danny, are you SURE you didn’t have an accident?” “No”, he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, “Danny did you have an accident?” This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled “SEE MOM, IT’S JUST FARTS!” While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel
better, thanking me for the best laugh they’d ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don’t get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked: “So Bob, where’s that 8 inches you promised me last night?” Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

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15 Responses

  1. Thanks for not one but 6 really good laughs!!!

  2. You scared me, I thought it was Wednesday because I think Wednesday is hump day!

    Yes~this is for Wednesday-Hump Day-but I have learned to post my memes a day early-since most everyone else does to0…then Wednesday-others go to view the participants. Sorry for the confusion-hehe!

  3. Mere, I hope all of these weren’t your flubs. I would be sooo embarrassed.

    These are really funny.

    Not any of them are mine…thank goodness-email forward.

  4. oh lord, those last two especially were hilarious!!!!

  5. During children’s time the pastor complimented a child on her lovely dress asking if it was new?
    “Yes,” she replied, “and mom says it’s gonna be an SOB to iron too.”

    SPLORF! Good one!

  6. Those are too funny, especially that last one!

    You should go to the site below and go to the 4th video. It is a singing dalmatian! Very cute.
    http://tackyraccoons.com/2008/06/21/saturday-matinee-spincyclehowlinpeter-gunn/

    Oh My Goodness! That dog looks like Patch with the “right” eye being black instead! Patch would do that, but he sounded different! Thanks for directing me to this site! Love it!

  7. ROFL!!! Those are great! Thanks for a much needed laugh! 😀

  8. #1, 3 and the last one had me laughing out so loud. Thanks for my laugh for the day. Hilarious. hehehehehehe

  9. OMG! LOL I am laughing so hard I can’t breathe! LOL I LOVE IT!!!

  10. Those are hilarious. I loved yours too LarryG. Mine (mime) is up at my place: http://bevies-place.livejournal.com/29478.html

  11. ROFL! These are just too funny girl! Much needed.. thank you for sharing some fun!

    Hugs

  12. These are the kinds of gaffes where you just want to buy a one-way plane ticket to Borneo afterwards!

    Is it Southwest that has the commercial: Wanna Get Away? LOL

  13. thanks for the laugh!!!!!

  14. Those were sooooo funny! I think I laughed the most at the first one. No, the second one. …. no the fourth one. Anyhoo- thanks for the laughs!

  15. Funny!!!

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