The Middle Wife


The “Middle Wife”

Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

(email forward)

I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it,they’re welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.She holds up a snapshot of an infant. “This is Luke, my baby brother, and I’m going to tell you about his birthday.”“First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom’s stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.”She’s standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I’m trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, ‘Oh, Oh, Oh!’ Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. “She walked around the house for, like an hour, ‘Oh, oh, oh!’ (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.) “My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have a sign on the car like the Domino’s man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this. ” (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)“And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!” (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

Then the middle wife starts saying ‘push, push,’ and ‘breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom’s play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there.”

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I’m sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it’s show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another “Middle Wife” comes along.


8 Responses

  1. That is absolutely hysterical!

    It is! I believe I need to invest in a camcorder for my class now!

  2. Middle Wife – Rof. Isn’t it funny what kids will say and do. I honestly don’t know how you could have kept a straight face. I bet it was something to behold

    This is so funny! It’s isn’t my story though. It was an email forward. I do need to start telling more about my Kindergarteners and their unique things they do!

  3. Hilarious!!! Heehee. Thanks for sharing.

    Too funny! You’re welcome!

  4. That is the cutest story. Kids say the darndest things. One day when I picked my son up from pre-school I asked him what he did that day. He said they learned a new song called “Disco Man”. I asked him to sing it.

    He sang, “Disco Man, he played one..he played nick nack on my thumb.”

    I love it! Anytime you have a good Out of the Mouths of Babes story~please feel free to post it on my Kiddies Page (used to be my “Out of the Mouths of Babes” Page. I would love to hear more!

  5. That is hilarious! I laughed so hard I cried! To picture that little girl acting all of that out is just too much!!! 🙂

    Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for stopping by! Come back anytime!

  6. I just had to come back and post again. Like children, dogs don’t cooperate when there is a camera around! LOL! I was trying to capture my shih tzu kicking a small ball around the yard like a soccer player, but every time I turned the camera on he’d run off to do something else. Camera off–kicking and chasing the ball. UGH! 🙂

    That is exactly how Patch is~Right after I click the button, he moves and by the time my digital camera takes the pic, it gets him changing positions-LOL! Darn it! You’ll have to be sneaky about it-like I do at school, when I need a pic for documentation. LOL!

  7. Just wanted to say have a great day!! I will be praying for you!!!!

    I hope you had a great day! Thanks for your prayers. I hope the prayers are just because and not something you may know is about to happen to me-lol! You are awesome! Love Ya! Mere

  8. That’s such a great story! WOW. I’ve been putting some school stories on my other blog, I usually call it Overheard at School.

    I thought my blog would be more educational, but it has turned into more about Patch, personal, humor, and inspirational. I believe it is my home away from work-lol! I’ve gotta visit your other blog more often!

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