St. Mom’s Wort – Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
Empty Nestrogen – Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn’t wait til they moved out.
Flipitor – Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
Antiboyotics – When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.
Buyagra – Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
Extra Strength Buy-one-all – When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a really bad club music CD or a book by that awful television doctor.
Jack Asspirin – Relieves the headache caused by a man who can’t remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
Anti-talksident – A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
Ragamet – When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.